June 24, 2013.
I have received a letter from (Name), it has been so long since I last saw her as a child. She was coming to Germany in July and wanted to meet with me. Of course I accepted and even invited her to stay with me. I have mixed feelings of this visit though. When I think about her coming I feel so funny. My heart gets this odd pain and starts to throb... I can't explain it. In any case I look forward to seeing her once more. Who knows what she is like now? Is she anything like the little girl I knew so well. She was so tiny and sweet. 'Luddy' 'Prince' she had all kinds of names for me. I remember when we use to play like I was her Prince and she was my Princess. We were so silly and naive. I regret leaving to join the military when I was just old enough to. I still remember how long she sobbed in my teenage arms when I told her I was leaving. Being grown now I wonder if she had forgiven me. If she is married or single. We honestly haven't talked much... Oh well. I suppose I will see. I wish she knew how bad I really do feel.
July 1, 2013.
She is beautiful. Sure she was beautiful as a young woman but now all her features have sharpened, she has grown a little, not to mention she had ...matured with her figure much more. Currently she is in the guest room, probably sleeping, I wonder what she thinks of Germany. It was a long flight over here from her home country and then a long train ride through Germany to where I met her at the local train station. She was a good height, not too tall and not too short, her head was at my shoulder. When she hugged me. It was perfect. She wasn't a skinny little twig but she wasn't fat either. I've always prefer women with a bit more meat and she had just the right amount. Enough to be soft and feminine but not excessively. I better go now. A long day of touring awaits. I wish she knew that... I am happy.
July 2, 2013.
I don't understand this feeling... I feel kind of sick... I think I like it though. Maybe I need to pay a visit to the doctor I could be coming down with something. On another note (Name) kissed me on the cheek today. My heart hurts a little bit, kind of tingly. I didn't know what to do so I just looked down and continued stirring. We were baking cakes. She begged me to show her how to make a Black Forest cake. She is a really good cook. A little rough with the tools from lack of practice but no doubt she would be able to do it in no time with a little help. Maybe tomorrow I will take her to the lake and we can go swimming. We will have to be careful though because the water there is a bit cold and I can't have her getting sick...that and the fact that it's tourist season and a lot of other Europeans are...less modest when changing in and out of swimsuits. I wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea. We have a designated area for that kind of stuff but they don't listen well. I would probably not be the best sight for her to see and old chubby man pulling off his clothes and slipping into a skin tight, all to revealing, 'mother-of-god-my-eyes-are-bleeding-fire' red speedo. Oh I wish she knew how to un-see things if that happens.
July 4, 2013
(Name) and I went to a WWII/Berlin Wall museum today. I don't know how I feel about that. It was hard to see all of that again. I felt guilt flooding me and almost let the evil liquid drip from my eyes in front of her. Unfortunately what did slip through she noticed. Her small hand had wiped it away with a warm smile, assuring me that it was not my fault, I could have never predicted that was what was going to happen. It was good to have her there but I wish we wouldn't have gone. I wouldn't have went if it were anyone else. I don't know why that is but it is true. In any case I am going to bed early. Oh and by the way, that feeling still has not gone away yet. I'm starting to get worried. I wish she knew a cure for this.
July 7, 2013
I think... I think I am in a think they refer to as 'love'. I am not sure but I researched it late one night and it fits all the descriptions. I followed up on that with a doctors appointment while (Name) slept but he just said I was love sick and sent me home. The dogs have also taken a liking to (Name) it seems everything has. She had even picked up some German in her time here and is doing wonderful. I'm happy to see her enjoying her stay. Maybe I could... no that's crazy. Anyway I will go make us a curry wurst dinner now.I hope she likes it. She seems to love German food. Which is good because there is definitely a lot of it. I enjoy cooking it for her, I wish she knew how much, she always protest when I start to make something.
July 10, 2013
I caught (Name) trying to sneak a peek into my journal today. Luckily I write everything in my mother language so she could only pick out the simplest of words here and there. When I found her she just smiled and asked what the book was and if I would read it to her. I simply told her I might one day and took it back. The answer didn't make her happy but I couldn't simply pour out my deepest darkest feelings to her. My whole life is recorded between these leather bindings. Everything I have ever felt. Including me newly discovered...love...for the woman. Maybe love wasn't so bad. It was wonderful having her back to my side. She made me feel like a man, just a normal happy man. No longer like a robotic soldier. I wish she knew how bad I want to just ...kiss her.
July 12, 2013
I wish you knew how I feel when you laugh.
I wish you knew how cute you are falling asleep on the train.
I wish you knew how funny you are.
I wish you knew how much I love seeing you play with my dogs.
I wish you knew that I watch you trying to read my
I wish you knew how badly I want to hold you and never let go.
I wish you knew how much I want you to love me back.
I wish you knew how it feels to watch you just breath.
I wish you knew how special you really are.
I wish you knew I love you... I wish you knew German.
(( Admit it you at least read a small bit of this is Germany's voice.))